“House of Cards” and some Conversation

motherhoodWe sit here together. I, curled up on the couch and he in the leather armchair. It is 12:30 pm and I am home from school on a half day looking forward to some downtime.

Walking out with the kids is not something I usually do so many of my colleagues had surprised looks on their faces. I just said I had an appointment.  Really it is my son that has an appointment. We are down a car and need to share. Two teens and 4 old cars mean that something is usually in for repairs or if I am real, one is waiting for the next paycheck for the repairs.

He is showered when I get home. I am happy about that. His appointment is at 1:00 and for all intents and purposes, it looks like he is going. I am also happy about that. He is taking my car and at 19 almost 20 you would think that was appropriate, but prior to his diagnosis and treatment, he totaled two. Yes, two out of 4 cars. Hard. To. Manage.

Our lives for the past 5 years have been as tumultuous and unpredictable. This past Fall, my son found a path that will give him back his life. I hesitate to even describe it in detail here because our society does not open its arms to differences in this area. That being said, sitting with my angel son and watching “House of Cards ” on Netflix gives me a lot of peace.

He is thoughtful and engaged as we discuss the storyline. He gets mad when I try and predict ( but I am usually right- I should be a writer! Ha Ha!) He is working his way back into his life. Progress is slow, but as we read and learn, it is to be expected after what he has experienced.

As his Mom, I want nothing more than his happiness. There have been some major mind shifts in our household as my son’s challenges have brought us to a new way of thinking. We are still learning ourselves. This is different than I expected, but life has a way of setting you up on the paths that you need. I am O.K. with that.

I watch “House of Cards” with my son. I tell him the crazy antics of my students. I share my school challenges. I make his favorite foods. We are relaxed and he is grateful. He is here. I am blessed.

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11 thoughts on ““House of Cards” and some Conversation

  1. I am not sure what I expected parenting to be. I try not to listen to closely to others discuss their close relationships and their children’s successes. Much like our careers, relationships and success are relative and deeply personal. Your slice is deeply appreciated for its candor and depth. I am glad there is some peace in your journey.

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  2. Thoughtful, emotional and love filled post. We all wish happiness for our children but we can’t give it. All we can give is our love, care and attention.

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  3. I can’t help but connect your slice and mine today-we go through life with our own private celebrations and sufferings. I will hold you and your son in my heart and hope that you have more of the former than the latter in your lives. Parenting is not for the faint of heart-it sounds like your son lucked out with a momma determined to help him succeed on his own. Wishing you peace and strength as you need it!

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  4. Thanks for this post. My brother has had his own challenges and is shaping his own life. Sometimes it’s hard to explain to outsiders that, despite everything, I still love him. Now I’m raising my own children, too, and I repeat the phrase you have in the image – “love the child you have” – as my mantra. Thank you, thank you for sharing.

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  5. Your post resonates with me, as our own (same age!) son revealed difficulties he’d been struggling with for quite awhile, somewhat known to us but never thought of as serious before his confession. It does require a shift in thinking, in relating, in cherishing the moments when you do connect. Thank you for sharing this hard and tender post.

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    1. We needed help as parents. We had to begin talking to some people to quietly find support. My son was not in a place to begin to explain or understand. He needed help. We are making progress as a family. Best of luck.

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