June 28, 2016
Late Night Write ( Draft 1)
You know that little voice? The child inside of you that has strong unfiltered reactions about things? That voice that screams and yells and throws tantrums about how life is unfair and hard and how I am not getting what I want and I don’t want to wait, about how no one listens to me.
That voice wanted to come out, but the harsh reality was that there would be no arms to hug and calm. No soothing voice to say it is going to be ‘OK.’ The reality is that when you go through life you are going to need to find your own peace, find your own bliss even in the most difficult of times.
Control. We hear the term “control freak,“ an outward assessment of a person who want to micromanage and have things their way. No one has ever called me that. I have always been more of a “go with the flow” personality. I enjoy the deviations that life can provide. Spontaneity is exciting and can be satisfying. As I got older, there was definitely an unwritten life plan and I was on my way. Education, marriage, job and eventually house and family. I would hold on to my adventurous spirit. All was good in the world.
Adding people to my life certainly added joy. I added a husband. I added co-workers. My grandmother, “Grams’ “ told me that I could not plan everything. You see I had up to this point. In fact, I was good at planning life. Things were clicking along and then they weren’t. My 7th grade plan was to be married by 25 and have a child by 27. I was now 28- so close enough. Time to get started. First ultrasound revealed that the pregnancy was not viable. Not in the plan. Eight years after I got married I added my first child. As I continued to add people, I realized how with all of the joy came complexity. With the love sometimes came loss. A colleague recently lost her father and her
A colleague recently lost her father and her family was essentially paralyzed. The grief took ahold of her family to the extent that they changed all of their traditions the following year. As she was packing up her classroom to move to a different grade and we were sharing about out losses, she noted that until that point she had not really had much adversity